Lena is a kid. Are you sure she passed the driver's license check, Mystery Spanker? You better let me do the math next time.

She cries, moans, and screams like a twelve-year-old getting a bare butt paddling from Dad. She's not a brat, she insists, not a brat, a brat. You're hurting me, the brat says, don't you care? At this point, Dad would say, well no, not really, but if you don't settle down and take your spanking like a big girl, I'm going to use Mom's hairbrush. The Mystery Spanker, not her Dad, just spanks butt without the commentary.

The piece de resistance (French term meaning "the funny part") is when she does pipe down and informs the Spanker that it doesn't really hurt. He chuckles. Swat swat swat. Swat swat swat some more. Turns out it does hurt after all.

The set up for the first two spankings is unique and very funny. The Mystery Spanker, leaving the room temporarily to use the facilities, gives the dynamic modeling/dancing duo of Misty and Lena a golden opportunity to steal his wallet. Lena sticks it down the front of her thong. To hide it, I think.

They take off. The Mystery Spanker, Lone Ranger-like, stops the dirty crooks right at the door. Misty is tied up (as a woman, I don't like that, but hell, go for it, buddy) and Lena is spanked on the bed where of course the Mystery Spanker finds his wallet stuck in her...um...clothing. Okay, over his knee she goes.

After a short while, we do find out that Lena isn't a kid. She's aroused. As a woman, I can tell. Even men will be able to tell by the glistening in her private parts. She likes being spanked. And I like seeing her spanked. I also like it when the Mystery Spanker massages her skinny little kid butt.

It isn't long before the little guttersnipe is subdued into good behavior. "Are you going to be a good girl when you get home?" Dad - whoops, I mean Mystery Spanker - says. "Yes, I am," she pouts. "What if you see somebody's wallet?" he scolds, making my own backside squirm a little bit. "I'll give it back to them!" she offers. Right answer, Lena!

Except with the Mystery Spanker, the right answer means some good hard slaps just before he swats her bare butt into the corner to think things over. Okay, I like that part a lot. Her red tush crawling into the corner, the occasional surreptitious rub, the peeking back at Misty's walloping. Cool, Mystery Spanker, very cool.

Misty

Redheaded Misty, the ringleader of this two-girl band of thieves, gets untied from the chair and taken right over the Mystery Spanker's lap. She's a cute girl but curses like a lumberjack. Or a sailor. What's worse - a lumberjack or a sailor? Either way, she swears up a storm, making even my ears ring, and I grew up with a house full of brothers. And she doesn't stop either, like I would once my butt started turning the color of my hair.

She's quite a wiggler, too, and the interesting thing about wigglers is that when you take their panties down, you can see what's going on. Do I have to spell it out for you, fellows? Anyway, squirming and jiggling to absolutely no effect, Misty gets her ass swatted good, plus we see some nice shadow puppets on the wall - there's the Mystery Spanker's hand, kids, did you see it? I think it was a butterfly that time! And there's a pirate!

Misty, still squirming like a little wiggle worm, turns over and attempts to crawl off his lap that way. Whoops. Didn't work! "Thought you wanted to kiss me for a minute there," Mystery Spanker laughs, and so do I. She wasn't trying to kiss you, silly!

Okay, next comes one of my favorite parts of the entire video: the How Old Are You? game. Very original, Mystery Spanker, and very ouch-inspiring to watch. He finds out her age - 19, by the way - by threatening to spank her until the cows come home. What time do those damn cows come home, I've often wondered, but she reveals it long before mooing starts at the hotel door.

"Count 'em out!" he says or something like that, and I'm swallowing hard, trying to remember how old I am. Misty counts 'em out. She gets spanked extra for cursing so imprudently - tee hee hee - when will that girl learn? She also gets spanked extra for cheating. Cheating at the How Old Are You game, Misty? Sigh.

Kristalee

This is one cute girl, except for those porn star gazes she throws our way. Cut the googly eyes, Kristalee!

The first outfit she models is her own design, so she claims, and basically it's a nightshirt that she calls "Candy Apple Red". Here's a little suggestion, Mystery Spanker - leave it on her next time and try to match her cheek color to that candy apple hue.

Instead, Kristalee makes her way back into the dressing room (aka the bathroom) and puts on a long brown dress-like thing - nice, very nice, but when will the ass paddling start? - and models for us some more. Go put something else on, sweetheart, and see if that gets our Mystery Spanker's butt in gear. She does. A short black slip this time. I think I have one of those! I'm getting excited!

Mystery Spanker's frustration threshold is apparently very low, and it doesn't take much cursing and complaining before he decides it's "attitude adjustment time". Yay, Mystery Spanker! My favorite time!

"I'm going to kick your fucking ass!" Kristalee threatens thonged butt skyward. You and what army, I'm thinking; Mystery Spanker, tough guy, simply ignores it. A chipmunk-cheeked blond strolls by the hotel room door and stops to listen, and we get occasional shots of her appalled expression at Kristalee's rude, rude language, and her conspicuous approval of the Mystery Spanker's methodology.

It ain't long, sports fans, before Kristalee's butt becomes a sort of candy apple red-purple hue, and I'm considering how I can get a message to Mystery Spanker to take those panties down. Take 'em down! Take 'em down! I chant. He does! Thank you, Mystery Spanker!

Thigh spanks, slow hard spanks, and pepper-butt spanks - he does it all. "My dad's a fucking attorney," she now claims, "and as soon as I get up, you're going to fucking hear from him." If I called my dad "a fucking anything", I have a feeling he'd be dialing the Mystery Spanker's number himself. A little respect for dear old dad, pul-leaze, Kristalee. Mystery Spanker appears not to be one whit troubled by the threat however, and keeps slapping away.

Somehow - I must have blinked - Kristalee gets to her feet. Not to fear. Mystery Spanker gets to his feet and tugs her black slip off right over her head. My, she is a cute girl. Back over Mystery Spanker's lap, right where she belongs. He starts a minute or two of firm pats - very, very sexy, Mystery Spanker, do that to me, willya? - and then starts her bare butt whooping again.

Okay, now comes the price of admission: Mr. Feather. After watching this segment, I have looked high and low for my very own Mr. Feather. Do they only sell those in Philadelphia, Mystery Spanker?

Kristalee, lucky devil, gets tickled and teased right where a girl likes being tickled and teased. Figure it out, boys. Very sweet of you, Mystery Spanker, to be so kind to such a naughty, foul-mouthed vixen. He is firm with her, though, threatening to tell Mr. Feather what a bad girl she's been, and that perhaps Mr. Feather will have to call Mr. Hand back in. "Please don't!" Kristalee begs, squirming so nicely on the Mystery Spanker's lap. "Mr. Feather is going away," the Mystery Spanker says calmly after some time, and slowly Mr. Feather flutters to the floor. Guess who's back! Mr. Hand! And he's quite a hard worker, besides.

As the screen fades to black, we see a red-assed Kristalee lying on the floor, rubbing her cheeks, and hear her harshly demand "something for my butt". Tell her to go ask her "fucking attorney", Mystery Spanker.

My Top Ten Favorite Things About Red Hot Video 17

1. Lena stuffing the Mystery Spanker's wallet down the front of her thong -- and it fits! (Almost.)
2. Mystery Spanker to Lena: "Get your ass in the corner!" No! "Do you want some more of this?" No! "Then get your ass in that corner!" Swat!
3. Lena in the corner, rubbing her spanked rear, peeking over at Misty's spanking
4. Misty and the How Old Are You? game
5. Misty being spanked for cheating at the How Old Are You? game
6. Kristalee's "candy apple red" outfit
7. Kristalee and Mr. Feather
8. Kristalee and Mr. Hand!
9. Thigh spanking!
10. The...um...meow-meow glimpses whenever the Mystery Spanker kneads their crimson butts

There are few franchises in the spanking video market that have proven to be as successful as Red Hot video's "Red -Assed Lap Dancing" series. This series of videos is the creation of Greg Edwards. Greg directs, produces and appears in the videos as the unidentified spanker. (Greg is shot from the neck down.) Unlike 95% of the spanking videos produced today, this series does not have its origins in Los Angles or San Diego California. "The Red -Assed Lap Dancing" videos are made in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. That actually may not be a strange as it seems. Did you know that several films are produced in Philadelphia each year? (The Sixth Sense and Unbreakable come to mind.) Did you know there are many similarities between Los Angles and Philadelphia? For example L.A and Philadelphia are both known for their boulevards. In Los Angles, they have the famous Hollywood Boulevard which is often referred to as " The Boulevard of Broken Dreams." Not to be outdone, Philadelphia has a famous roadway of its own. Philadelphia is renowned for the Roosevelt Boulevard, which is also known as " The Boulevard of Broken Axles."

Unlike the notorious " Rocky series of movies, that were also made in Philadelphia, the "Red- Assed Lap Dancing" series has actually gotten better with age. "Red- Assed Lap Dancing #17" is notable for its whimsy, hard-hitting spanking action and the lovely young women who are featured in this video.

This production is actually divided into two specific story lines. In the first part of this production we are introduced to Misty and Lena. As the story goes, we learn that Misty and Lena are strippers hired by Red Hot Video to dance before the camera. Right from the beginning, Misty and Lena are unhappy with the environment in which they are to perform. This is probably only a minor stretching of the truth as Mr. Edwards's films this series in a sleazy motel just outside of Philadelphia. Misty and Lena vent their frustrations with a hurl of invectives directed towards Mr. Edwards as he greets the girls at the door of his motel room. These girls can curse better than most people afflicted with Tourettes Syndrome. Despite their unhappiness with the situation, Misty and Lena perform their "dance" routines for the camera. Misty is a beautiful young woman, with the body and grace of a dancer. (And the mouth of a trucker) Lena is an attractive young lady with large brown eyes and auburn hair. The spanking action begins when Greg finds the girls trying to abscond with his wallet after he had left the room to " tap a kidney." (Hopefully his own.) As the girls make a break for the door, Mr. Edwards intercedes and blocks the girls escape route. Shortly, Misty is tied to a chair and Lena is receiving the spanking of her life. The bondage of Misty is a tasty little extra in this terrific spanking production. After a very long and hard spanking, Lena is made to stand in the corner while Greg now deals with Misty. He pulls Misty across his lap and initiates Misty's chastisement. Misty's punishment is actually longer and harder than the severe punishment suffered by Lena. During the spanking, Misty's top falls off exposing her exquisite breasts. Misty's nipples are a treat to behold. During her spanking, Misty kicks, curses, and, eventually cries as her bottom is reddened by Greg's sizeable hands. After her spanking one gets the feeling that our Misty is really angry. At the close of this segment we see in Misty's facial expression her feelings of anger, and humiliation clearly reflected.

In the second part of this video production we are introduced to Kristalee. She has been hired by Red Hot Video to model some sexy lingerie. Krisalee is a beautiful blonde with a patrician attitude. She arrived late to her session. When Greg pointed this out to his model she replied " Well it happens." Kristalee earns a trip over Greg's lap after she has an outburst during the shoot. She is pulled over Greg's knee and spanked on her bare bottom until she is crying.

This production of " Red -Assed Lap Dancing #17" is, in my opinion, the best production in the Red-Hot video series. The effective use of dialogue and plot line helps us identify with the young women being spanked. All this is achieved without sacrificing the basic strengths of the series. The girls used in the videos are not submissives or members of the local spanking scene. Each girl's response to the hard spanking she receives on camera is unique. To quote Forest Gump's mother when discussing life being like a box of chocolates " You never know what you are going to get." This is a risky but effective method of making an enjoyable spanking video.

I highly recommend this video to all lovers of spanking erotica.

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