This is an attempt to replicate the programming of a Spanking Channel on TV, should such a phenomenon exist. It contains the beginnings of a couple of serials, as well as a one-off programme.

We begin with Spanking Life Episode 1. "A continuing story of Domestic Discipline." The principals of 'The Problem with Maria Vols 1 & 2' explain the story so far to camera. Charlie, the gardener, starts. He has Maria bare-bottomed over his lap and nonchalantly smoking a cigarette as he relates how Maria likes to have her bottom spanked and he likes to spank her very spankable and cute little bottom. She is his favourite customer for, as she is always broke, she pays him for his work with the spankings. As he pats, smacks and rubs Maria's bottom, he tells us that Sean, her husband, found out about the spankings and took Maria away, buying a new house where Charlie could not find them. Until, that is, he received an anonymous letter tipping him off. Written, he says, in a most feminine hand. As Sean has spanked her before leaving for work, he is now free to smack away as much as he likes. Sean will assume that any marks on Maria's bottom tonight were made by his own hand. Maria takes over. She tells us that her husband is very mean. He has moved to a new house to get her away from Charlie. When Sean found out that Charlie had spanked her, Sean spanked her. In fact, he caned her and Maria does not like the cane. She likes having her bottom smacked but the cane is horrible. This takes us to a flashback of Sean caning Maria, as she bends over, hands flat on the sofa, knickers down around her ankles. She squeals at each stroke. Halfway through, he has her kneel up on the sofa, knees apart, knickers still around her ankles. He places the cane in the small of her back at the conclusion of the caning and says that she is to remain there and when she returns the cane must be in exactly the same position. Back with Maria, she says that he made them move and then he caned her because she was skint.

Over to Sean, who says, yes, he did cane Maria. In the background, Maria is kneeling on the sofa with her knickers at mid-thigh and with a freshly-caned bottom. He says that he thinks he will have to cane her again, several times, for she never seems to learn her lesson. Again, he places the cane in the small of her back and departs. After a few moments, Maria rises and gets dressed. Fade-out.

Maria enters the room with Charlie behind her, carrying her packages. Maria has bought some new cushions for the sofa. Charlie wants his reward for helping her but Maria is worried about her bottom marking because Sean has taken to inspecting it ever since he found out that Charlie had spanked her. Charlie insists that he will not mark her and gets her to lean back on the sofa and raise her legs up while he smacks her bottom very gently. A light spanking as she stands follows and then he has her back over his knee, just rubbing and patting. When Charlie leaves, Maria sits down amongst her cushions and awaits Sean's arrival. To be continued....

Next, we feature Amelia Jane Rutherford in 'Attention Seeking'. She enters the room, wearing a gold dress, with black ski pants beneath. Trying to attract the attention of a man of whom all we see are the fingers of his right hand drumming on the arm of the chair, she strikes a number of poses. Bending this way and that, she turns to see if she has aroused his interest. With a sigh, she then flounces out, to return minus the ski pants. A few more bending routines have no effect, so she leaves again to return, this time without the dress. Naked save for a pair of plain blue knickers and her high heels, she flounces up to the armchair and is grabbed and taken over the knee. After a couple of smacks to her bottom, she grins broadly and exclaims, "I've been a bad girl!" As she struggles to cope with the continuing volley of smacks, she turns and asks, "Okay, okay, do you want to take me upstairs now?"

The pace of the spanking increases. "Do you want to stop now?" Amelia Jane asks and, when that evinces no response, begs, "Please stop now." The spanking continues. "I'm too hot," Amelia Jane declares. "I need a break." He strokes her bottom for a moment, then pulls her knickers down. A little more rubbing is followed by a re-commencement of the spanking. "It's too hard," Amelia Jane protests with a pout. "I want to be stroked." Despite her struggles, Amelia Jane mugs to the camera, smiling and giggling. "He's so cruel!" The spanking of Amelia Jane's magnificent bottom continues. One camera angle intriguingly highlights an old strap mark, brought to the surface by the spanking.

When he has done enough, he crudely pushes her off his lap. She kneels on the floor, rubbing her bottom, then stands up. The camera chases after her as she runs, knickers still down, out to the kitchen and beyond, giggling to fade-out.

Spanking Life Episode 2. Sean returns home. He is most displeased to see all the new cushions and calls Maria down. Maria insists they were a bargain and that she got them in a Sale. He says that it is beside the point and, anyway, she bought a new rug only a couple of days ago.

"We'll be bankrupt the way that you're going," he grumbles.

"You'll just have to work harder."

"I will work harder but perhaps not in the way that you're thinking," he threatens. "I think I'll have to put you on a tighter leash, girl."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I'll show you," he says, taking her over his knee. It was just as well that Charlie was gentle in his spanking for, in a trice, her skirt is up and her knickers are down and her bottom is being spanked. Despite Maria's protestations, her cute little bottom is soon being considerably reddened.

"I don't seem to be making any impression on you."

"You're making an impression on my bottom."

"But it doesn't seem to work. From now on, I'll be introducing a new regime into this household."

Finally, he agrees with her plea "that's enough", adding ominously, "for the moment." He tells her it is only half of her punishment and she will be receiving the rest "in due course".

The following morning, Sean brings Maria down for the second half of the punishment. He explains that his new regime would consist of her being spanked every morning before he leaves for work. When she asks why, he says in the hope that a sore bottom in the morning might last long enough to discourage her from spending his money. And also keep her away from such as Charlie.

"He only spanked my bottom," Maria objects. "You spank my bottom. And you spank other girls' bottoms."

For proof, we cut to Sean spanking another girl's bottom, but that does not prevent Maria from going over his knee, in turn. And so, the Domestic Discipline continues. And the threat hangs over Maria that, if a spanking every morning does not work, something more severe, like the cane, will need to be employed. After Sean departs for work, Maria telephones Charlie, asking him to come over as she may be able to pay him for a couple of days' work. And that was where we first came in. To be continued...

Next, Suzi Martell makes a welcome, and overdue, return to Strictly English in another little tale entitled "You're Not Going Out In That!" We begin with naughty Suzi already over the knee being spanked. So short is the hem of her dress that the lower half of her bottom-cheeks are on display, as well as her pretty lemon knickers.

"Look at it!" he says, indicating the hem of the dress.

"It's meant to be like that, Uncle Reg."

"Bent over somewhere like that and that's what you can see," he grumbles, running his hand across the lower slopes of her buttocks, beneath the hem. "It's disgusting!"

"But I won't be bent over, will I?"

"I don't know what you'll be up to when you get to these clubs with a few drinks inside you. God knows what you'll be up to!"

"I won't be bending over."

"I know you won't after I've finished with you. You'll be lucky to be able to sit down, as well."

It is unclear if the spanker is an English Uncle or a Dutch one, but no matter. Suzi is being spanked, so there is no need to fret about side-issues. After a little more spanking her asks her, "How come every three or four days you're down here having this done to you?" Suzi does not know, but she does not think it is very fair. He, apparently, does.

He is not very impressed with her raising her heels whenever it stings too much, but she explains that it is a "natural reaction". He tells her she will have to control her actions when she is being spanked.

He asks if she is sure it was her credit card she used when buying the dress. From memory, she was up to her credit limit the last time he checked. She says she is certain she used her own and he says he will keep an eye on the statements. Suddenly, she is less sure and tells he she has forgotten which card she used. By now, he has no doubts at all.

He asks her how much the dress cost. One hundred pounds, she replies, assuring him that it is cheap. It includes the shoes and there was a 25 percent discount, she tells him. "Oh, it was a bargain, then," he says sarcastically. "Well, that will be 25 percent extra on the spanking!"

Uncle spanks away at the little crease between her thighs and buttocks so that everyone will be able to see she has a nice red bottom when she goes out in the dress.

"It's about time we took these excuse-for-knickers down, don't you?" A rhetorical question, of course, to be followed by 50 really hard smacks on the bare.

At the conclusion of the spanking, Suzi gets off his lap and studies her red bottom in the mirror.

"How am I supposed to wear my dress?" she moans.

"I told you it might be a problem."

"I'm still wearing my dress."

"Are you?"

"Yeah." Fade out.

The final sequence on the DVD is entitled "Just What She Deserves Part 1", being the sequel to "Amelia Jane Rutherford - Student Teacher". We begin with the return of Vanessa, Amelia Jane's most troublesome pupil during her first year as a teacher. Vanessa is hoping to secure references from both the school and Mr Cameron, the headmaster, who advises Amelia Jane that Vanessa is intending to obtain a certificate as a Sports Teacher.

"Well, I hope you have better students than I did at the beginning of my career, I must say!" Amelia Jane tells Vanessa pointedly. She also states that she cannot see her way to giving Vanessa a reference as she remembers Vanessa in her sixth form year very narrowly avoiding being the naughtiest girl in the school. "I remember that," says Mr Cameron and we then see the appropriate flashback from Amelia Jane Rutherford - Student Teacher.

For those who have not had the good taste, or perhaps merely the good fortune, to have seen this earlier DVD, Vanessa was summoned by Mr Cameron to his office. She was, in fact, the naughtiest girl in the school, but Mr Cameron intended to punish Amelia Jane and frighten Vanessa. He told Vanessa that she had narrowly avoided being the naughtiest girl and was to wait outside while he dealt with the girl who had beaten her to the number one spot. Amelia Jane was called in, via another entrance so Vanessa would not see her, and caned. Afterwards, Mr Cameron interviewed Vanessa and confirmed that she had heard the caning and would ensure she was much better behaved the following year. This sequence is now played as a flashback and then back to the present time, with Vanessa now requiring her references.

With a hint or two from Amelia Jane, Mr Cameron decides that, if Vanessa wants to receive her references, she should submit herself to what she heard that day outside his office. She is told to go away and think about it and, if she agrees to the terms, come back and subject herself to corporal punishment.

"Surely, there's an easier way?" Vanessa pleads.

"I think not," Mr Cameron states decisively. He tells her that if she returns, it will be assumed that she has accepted corporal punishment. If she does not return, nothing more will be thought about it. If she should return, she should be more appropriately dressed than in jeans and top.

The next scene is Vanessa's return. She is dressed the same, but carrying a haversack. Mr Cameron mentions his instructions regarding dress and Vanessa tells him that she has brought it with her but felt it would not be a good idea to wear it through the town. He shows her where to change and leaves the office.

Vanessa steps into view in her old school uniform. She walks over to the desk and picks up the cane lying there, regarding it with a most wistful expression. Mr Cameron returns to his office and has Vanessa go over his knee. Those who saw the original film will remember the strategically-placed mirror, which chance has seen remain there, thus allowing us to see both Vanessa's bottom being spanked and the expression on her face, whenever she cares to raise her head. No prizes will be awarded in the Spot the Camcorder competition as it is rather too easy!

There follows a nice long spanking. This sequence is more pure punishment than most Strictly English material. What it lacks in their trademark humour, save the glorious relish that Amelia Jane lends to her moment of revenge, it makes up for in a story well told. After the spanking, Vanessa is placed in the corner, hands on head, red bottom displayed. She has her private moments of bottom rubbing before the words To be continued appear. Next time, Vanessa will be caned...

The DVD concludes with a preview of another Amelia Jane Rutherford production and we may all look forward to that.